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Story Time

Updated: May 21, 2022

Hi, I'm Blandine, 40 years old and plus size.




When I was a little girl...


Ah! This sentence, how many times, have you said it to yourself? Me it's at least once a month, naan, I'm kidding, a little less often but still enough for it to mark me. I'm going to tell you about my story, which will obviously start with "when I was a little girl".

My arrival in the world! Hum, how can I say? A very normal baby, 49cm, for 2.5 kg. You know, the long-awaited child of my parents, who were in their thirties. I was a joyful kid (from my parents, of course), before I started kindergarten. And then! It all started. I have memories of being alone in the schoolyard. Nobody wanted to play with me. I couldn't understand why, some girls were literally fighting each other, to be Jennifer's girlfriend, and me, no one. I tried, but still no one.

Ah! Jennifer, there is always a Jennifer in schools. She's the most beautiful. All the girls want to be her girlfriend, and all the boys her lover.


But Jennifer is also, for a little girl like me, the worst nightmare. Hum, you know! Little plump girls. Well, it all started with Jennifer. From the first day, at recess, she came to see me with 4 of her friends and started to call me "Peggy, the slut". Needless to say, this nickname went around the school, until the end of secondary school. How can I tell you? It had the effect of a slap! Me, who was my father's princess and my mother's treasure. Yes, I went from a "gemstone" to a "pig" in the snap of a finger.


Not without difficulty, I got used to my loneliness and this nickname. Which finally, stuck to my skin. Well yes! When I looked in the mirror, I could see that I was 2 sizes larger than Jennifer and her gang. But frankly, I still have to tell you that secretly, I would have killed to be in her place.


The college. Ah! Who invented this cycle? From memory, it was the worst moment of my life. Ok! let me give you a quick summary. Pre-teenager plus teenager, the changing body, the awareness of this famous body and of others. There were more direct and nonchalant remarks. From "pig" we go to "sausage".


At least, there was a positive, I met my best friend. Claudia, she was thin and tall. When we were seen together, we were called Mario and Luigi. But, Claudia, how to say? Had a fiery temper. She was ready to fight anyone who wanted to attack her. I admired her for this strength of character, that I didn't have.


High school...The period of first flirts, first kisses, and first nothing for me. I had managed to make friends, (good thanks to Claudia) but only "friends". You know what I mean? I was the good friend, the one who made people laugh. But the one you shouldn't go out with.


Well, I'll spare you the details, of the time, I fell in love with a boy. When he found out, gave me a look of disgust. He was the most popular guy in high school. I weighed 90kg! So it was not necessary to dream either, huh.



Adult life...

Who said: "life was a long calm river"? Well imagine, he was wrong, yeah! At the same time, you must surely know it?

How can I put it? With love not knocking on my door, and underqualified jobs jostling on the balcony (did I say I had a master's degree in marketing?), I decided to create my own business. Yeah! I was going to be my own boss. They were going to call me Madame. Hold the door for me, so that I could come in. Look at me as someone important. And that's what I did. I worked like a ..., and I arrived at the standard of living that I wanted. And then one day, "tadammm", you know, it's when you least expect it that good things happen. I met Jacques.

Jacques, my saviour, the man of my life. Honestly, it feels weird, for someone to be nice to you out of love, I mean. He listens and reassures me when he can. I started to take care of myself, play sports, go to the beautician, and all that girly stuff that I refused myself. Guess what? I had to look good for him. He had accepted me as I was... "fat".


Despite all this apparent happiness, deep inside me, there was a void. An unexplainable and undetectable, interstellar void from the outside.


And then, of course! In full happiness, the questions came: Why is he with me? Does he really love me? Why doesn't working out make me slim and sexy like the girls on social media? Maybe he was lying to me when he told me I was beautiful?


You will have understood, I had a big problem, very clearly identified: the lack of self-confidence, which led me, inevitably to a depression.



The lack of trust


Ah! That one. He's an enemy, so vicious, you can't see him, you can't hear him, but then he eats you up inside. You know what I'm talking about?


Do you remember Claudia, my awesome best friend? You will wonder what is she doing in the story? Well, Claudia, my awesome best friend, actually dragged me to a shrink.

A shrink? But what the hell, I'm not crazy. Everyone knows that shrinks are for crazy people. And then first, why would I need a shrink? Well, since I was put against the wall, I played the game.


And then against all odds, I revealed myself. I understood why despite all the happiness that surrounded me, I felt bad.

Ah la la, do you know the inner wounds and the impact they can have on our lives. Well, I didn't know, but the flat feet, I understood.



The renaissance...


It was the most difficult ordeal of my life! It will not have escaped you, that the word difficult comes up quite regularly in my story, but it's the story of my life.

So, getting back on topic, rebirth. How can I tell you? Drive back into memories, that are not always very funny, step back and understand that we have no power over the gaze of others. Learn to accept yourself, to appreciate yourself and to find yourself beautiful. Yeah! I know, says like that, it sounds easy, but in reality it's a bit more complicated and painful than that.


Once this work on me was done, my view of the world had categorically changed. My business was no longer to show others that a fat woman could succeed professionally, but for ME, my ambitions and my personal satisfaction. I no longer make myself beautiful for my man, I take care of myself, and of my health for ME, because I find myself beautiful and of course by extension, he finds me beautiful too (and I believe it now). Finally, you know what? Whatever society may say, I know who I am and what I'm worth.



Morality


Society takes a very critical look at everything. Whether you are thin, plump, bald, small, tall. You can't stop people from talking or having their opinion. Most important, is what we can influence on. That one and only thing is yourself. For that, you have to start by accepting and loving yourself, and the problems of the world will seem small.


Thank you for reading this story. Maybe you do not suspect it, but it is fiction. Many are those who are in this case.


Trust yourself, accept yourself, love yourself and you will move mountains.


Come tell us your story in the comments.


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